1 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,429 There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong 2 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:15,849 with any Sabre printers, case closed. 3 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:20,395 Michael Scott, as seen on TV. 4 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,855 [high-pitched voice] I saw you on the news 5 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:24,983 and I want to pinch your tiny wiener. 6 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,194 - [normally] It's Packer. - Oh! 7 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,655 Pac-Man, I thought you were a girl! 8 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,283 Apparently, there are allegations 9 00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:36,327 that Sabre printers can cause a fire. 10 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,706 So they ask me to give a statement to the press. 11 00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:44,210 I'm like, "What? All right." So I do it. 12 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:48,256 It's on TV last night and it's in the paper today 13 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:49,716 and it's online 14 00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:52,886 and then I call Froggy 98.7, 15 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:54,220 their request line, 16 00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:55,805 and I talk to the host about it on the air. 17 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:58,933 It's like come on, people. Enough. 18 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,352 So check this. 19 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,604 I told you about my landlord's knockers, right? 20 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,065 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Another comment's coming up. 21 00:01:05,106 --> 00:01:06,566 Don't you hang up on me, Michael. 22 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:08,526 I gotta go. 23 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:11,946 "I lost 25 pounds using this one ancient trick." 24 00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:15,367 Oh, well congratulations on losing all the weight. 25 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:18,620 You'll never believe who this is. 26 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:20,205 Oh! 27 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:24,167 People, all right. Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5! 28 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:27,087 I am officially the second most-watched clip of the day 29 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:29,005 on the WBRE news site. 30 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:30,340 What's number one? 31 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:32,467 Oh, that teacher who was wrongfully accused 32 00:01:32,509 --> 00:01:33,677 of being a pedophile. 33 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:36,388 Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again. 34 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:38,556 I would like you all to go to the website 35 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,225 and watch my clip 11 times. 36 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,643 So instead of working, you want-- 37 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:43,228 - Yes, yes. - Okay. 38 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:45,689 Come on. [overlapping chatter on PCs] 39 00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:47,357 Get it up. 40 00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:48,566 That's what-- 41 00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,568 let's do it. [overlapping chatter on PCs] 42 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:55,281 Oh, did you see this report that the zoo got a baby otter? 43 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:56,741 - It's on the same site. - [chuckles] Aw. 44 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,159 It's kissing its mommy. 45 00:01:58,201 --> 00:01:59,744 Michael, you have to see this. 46 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,413 This is, like, the cutest thing ever. 47 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:03,081 [laughter] 48 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,583 They're like little sea nard dogs. 49 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,377 Really? A baby otter? 50 00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:11,089 Okay, um, count me in as who cares? 51 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,134 It's not even that interesting, a baby otter. 52 00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:16,594 It can't even stand up. 53 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,221 It's trying to stand up. 54 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,264 [sighs] 55 00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,099 [whimpers softly] 56 00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,018 [chuckling] There it goes. 57 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,485 {\an8}[upbeat music] 58 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:39,451 {\an8}♪ ♪ 59 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,004 {\an8}Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. 60 00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:53,506 {\an8}- Excuse me. - Please hold. 61 00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,759 {\an8}Hi, thanks for holding. 62 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,345 {\an8}Oh, I'm sorry. Let me transfer you. 63 00:02:58,386 --> 00:02:59,721 {\an8}Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. 64 00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:01,306 {\an8}Hi, Erin. It's Kevin. 65 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:04,100 {\an8}Listen, we need some more chewy Sweet Tarts. 66 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,310 {\an8}Kevin, there are so many in there. 67 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,020 {\an8}I'm sorry. I'm just really busy right now. 68 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,646 {\an8}Right, listen. 69 00:03:08,688 --> 00:03:10,732 {\an8}There's not many purple and red ones, and they're the best. 70 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,859 {\an8}The yellow ones are disgusting. 71 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:15,820 {\an8}- They get-- - All right, can you hold? 72 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,030 {\an8}Well, they're pretty good, 73 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:20,241 {\an8}but the purple ones are much fruitier. 74 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,910 {\an8}Howdy. 75 00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,870 {\an8}I hope I'm not interrupting anything. 76 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:26,039 {\an8}Jo, we were not expecting you. 77 00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,791 {\an8}Y'all, no doubt, know why I'm here. 78 00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,084 {\an8}No. 79 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,461 {\an8}Turns out our printers are famous. 80 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,588 {\an8}We're all over the news. 81 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,674 {\an8}It's an interesting story. 82 00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:40,804 {\an8}Cheap, foreign printers... attacking innocent Americans? 83 00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:44,724 {\an8}Well actually, the real story idn't quite as racy. 84 00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:48,770 {\an8}But, uh... 85 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,105 {\an8}let's give it a go. 86 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:53,024 {\an8}Jo, I think that I know what happened. 87 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,943 {\an8}I'm not sure you do, teddy bear. 88 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:57,904 {\an8}Well, now I think I might not. 89 00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:01,199 {\an8}Not long ago, we discovered a defect in one of our printers, 90 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,410 {\an8}so we got a software patch and fixed it right up. 91 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,786 {\an8}[snaps fingers] Just like that. 92 00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:07,205 {\an8}I don't know how it works. 93 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,666 {\an8}Just as we were about to 94 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,293 {\an8}send out a letter to our affected customers 95 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:15,964 {\an8}giving 'em free toner, and we keep 'em happy. 96 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,382 {\an8}But somebody here, 97 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,550 {\an8}they liked that first story better, 98 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:21,136 {\an8}the one where we lose half our clients 99 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:24,556 {\an8}for no damn good reason! 100 00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:27,267 {\an8}Whoever it was that talked to the press... 101 00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,185 {\an8}- Jo... - Just come forward please. 102 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,980 {\an8}Jo, I can assure you it was no one in this office. 103 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,898 {\an8}- Can you now? - Absolutely. 104 00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:38,695 {\an8}Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand. 105 00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,280 {\an8}But your hand up, Norma Rae. 106 00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:43,324 {\an8}[softly] If you say anything, so help me God, 107 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,076 {\an8}I'll break off the temples of your glasses 108 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,745 {\an8}and stick 'em in your eye sockets. 109 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,246 {\an8}So unfair. 110 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:51,708 {\an8}Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, 111 00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,918 {\an8}I would not be a whistleblower. 112 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,797 {\an8}The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. 113 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,632 {\an8}It's how we made all our money. 114 00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:02,510 {\an8}Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. 115 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:06,389 {\an8}♪ Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr. Bernard ♪ 116 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:10,018 ♪ Who have you silenced today? ♪ 117 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,812 ♪ There's a whistleblower in the backyard ♪ 118 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,482 ♪ Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr.-- ♪ 119 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:16,608 It's a great song. 120 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,526 Well, we all think that it was Andy, 121 00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:20,612 but you won't catch me acting on it. 122 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:25,617 And nobody can get in trouble for their private thoughts. 123 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,452 Can they? 124 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,497 It's a little form, says, "I did not do it." 125 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,665 There is no reason for anyone here to sign this, 126 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,293 because I know everything there is to know about these people. 127 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,711 I know when their birthdays are, 128 00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:38,588 I know what their favorite kind of cake is, 129 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:41,216 I know what color streamers they like. 130 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:42,717 All that's just birthday information, Michael. 131 00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,303 Yes, yes, but it shows a bigger picture. 132 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,846 Why don't you come with me? 133 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:48,390 We'll start out with the honcho. 134 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,517 - What you say? - Okay. 135 00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,727 When Mama was working as a prison guard 136 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:56,606 and something went missing, she'd ask one question: 137 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,317 "What do we do when we find the guilty party?" 138 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,152 And if they said, "Come down on 'em 139 00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:05,031 with that swift hammer of justice," innocent. 140 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,076 A clear conscience don't need no mercy. 141 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:11,204 But if they said, "Officer Bessie, well, 142 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:14,499 they may have had a reason. Blah, blah, blah, blah." 143 00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:18,169 Well, nine times out of ten, that's the anus they checked. 144 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,338 So say we catch this whistleblower, 145 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,756 what do you think I should do with 'em? 146 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:25,218 We should give him a one-way ticket to Montego Bay. 147 00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:28,304 Where they keep all the al-Qaeda. 148 00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:31,599 Uh, that's Guantanamo Bay. 149 00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:32,642 Yes. 150 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:33,810 You put him in jail for a long time, 151 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:35,353 put him in jail for as long as you can. 152 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,105 And you know what you hope? 153 00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,898 You hope that while they're in there, 154 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,234 some terrible, terrible things happen to them. 155 00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:43,069 You know what? 156 00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:47,782 Maybe at some point, they get shivved in the machine shop. 157 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:50,368 Oh, it's okay. 158 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,704 You feel very passionate about this. 159 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,872 Well, Jo, I am, 160 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,041 and I'm barely passionate about anything. 161 00:06:56,082 --> 00:07:00,170 Somebody betrayed this company, and they deserve to suffer. 162 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,546 And I think I know who did it. 163 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,049 Okay, let's wrap it up. Who? 164 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,967 Yonkers. 165 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,719 Someone at the Yonkers branch? 166 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,429 Whole damn branch. 167 00:07:09,471 --> 00:07:12,557 Were party to it. I would bet you anything. 168 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,059 Oh. 169 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:14,893 See that painting right there? 170 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,561 Yeah. 171 00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,063 There used to be a beautiful painting that hung on that wall 172 00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,230 that came with this furniture, 173 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,691 and I think that Yonkers came in 174 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:26,071 and switched out that painting for this crappy Monet. 175 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:29,282 Are you sure that happened? 176 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:31,034 Oscar saw 'em do it. 177 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,160 You know what else Yonkers did? 178 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,411 They repainted the accounting area 179 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:34,996 in the middle of the night. 180 00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:36,247 They stole Kevin's farting machine. 181 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,248 [chuckles] 182 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,458 And they were the reason 183 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,169 I was unable to come to work on Monday. 184 00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,672 [growling sarcastically] Yonkers. 185 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,799 Well, I guess we're all right, Michael. 186 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,258 I want these people to really pay. 187 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,927 - I want 'em to suffer. - Mm-hmm. 188 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,970 I'd prefer it if they died. 189 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,263 'Cause it's not right. 190 00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,390 - Yeah. - Okay. 191 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,269 Who did this? 192 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,646 Someone tell me who did this. 193 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,273 Sorry. None of us are snitches. 194 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,442 You guys think I've never been hazed before? 195 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,778 Check out Bernard vs. Sigma Chi. 196 00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:10,865 Turns out, an atomic wedgie is felony assault. 197 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,534 By the way, great job 198 00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:15,286 picking a word that's super easy to nard-ify. 199 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:18,957 Hey, Dwight. 200 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,291 Hey, IT Guy. 201 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,043 You mind if I get in there for a second? 202 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,211 Oh, sure thing. Go ahead. 203 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:25,296 [clears throat] 204 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,715 - Just-- - Whoa! Gah! 205 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,800 [groans] Dwight, what the hell? 206 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,136 Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell! 207 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,470 What are you doing to my computer? 208 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,055 The lawyers are searching our hard drives 209 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:35,890 for information on the leak. 210 00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,017 Thanks a lot, Big Brother. 211 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:38,226 You're with Big Brother? 212 00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:39,769 Okay, go ahead. I got nothing to hide. 213 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,980 Wait, are they searching all our computers? 214 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,440 Yeah. 215 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,608 I already got to yours, Kev. 216 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,655 No, that's cool. Some-- 217 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,365 sometimes I run. 218 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,576 I'm a runner. 219 00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:56,494 Everybody knows it was Andy. 220 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,580 And it is not fair for us all to take the fall 221 00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,206 for his big, stupid mouth. 222 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,167 Ridiculous, Angela. 223 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,127 And like I'm gonna believe one of his spurned lovers. 224 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,713 Look, he's been complaining about this for a while. 225 00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,506 It's not crazy. 226 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,262 Ugh. 227 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:15,347 Okay, Dwight. 228 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,514 Hold that thought. 229 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,682 I don't want to waste your time, 230 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,017 and I wouldn't dare waste mine. 231 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,185 I didn't do it. 232 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,562 Now, I don't know exactly who did it, 233 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:26,524 but I have a list right here. 234 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,693 You should fire the following people. 235 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:30,362 Well, I'm inclined to believe you. 236 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,654 Why would I disparage a company 237 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,281 that has made me rich beyond my wildest dreams? 238 00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,200 Yeah, I've noticed you've had a great year. 239 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,659 - Good boy. - [chuckles] 240 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:41,331 You turning that money into more money? 241 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:44,042 Are you referring to alchemy? 242 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,960 I don't like to tell a man what to do with his money, 243 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,504 but if you ain't investing in property, 244 00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,214 then you're dumber than a dummy. 245 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:50,882 I'm not dumb. I'm smart. 246 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:54,010 Well, buy property. That's my advice. 247 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,430 Is there something that you would like to say to me? 248 00:09:57,472 --> 00:10:01,267 - Uh-- - About talking to the press? 249 00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,977 - I didn't do that. - Mm-hmm. 250 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,063 Okay? I--I-- 251 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,064 didn't do it. 252 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,315 I don't believe you. 253 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,442 I swear on the graves of my parents, 254 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,361 - who aren't even dead yet. - That's a little much. 255 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:12,570 All right, all right, all right. 256 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,489 I don't care. That's how much I swear. 257 00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:15,740 Okay, I believe you, I believe you. 258 00:10:15,782 --> 00:10:17,575 How come no one's giving Darryl any crap? 259 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,452 He was more bothered about it than me. 260 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:25,583 Did you tell anyone outside of this office 261 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,627 that the printers were catching on fire? 262 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,756 - Yeah, I did. - Ugh. 263 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,842 I was talking to this girl at a bar. 264 00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:35,260 Oh, no, no, no. 265 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,429 I think she could sense my sadness, 266 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,723 and I found till later she-- 267 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,224 she's a copy editor at the "Trib." 268 00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,350 Oh, my God. 269 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,810 Was she cute? 270 00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,145 No. 271 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,604 Oh, God, Darryl! 272 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,481 I basically swore up and down 273 00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:49,941 that none of my employees did it, 274 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,736 and then I find out that one of my best ones did. 275 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,947 And now he's probably gonna get fired for it. 276 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,158 And if that is not poetic justice, 277 00:10:58,199 --> 00:10:59,784 I don't know what is. 278 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:04,914 [indistinct chatter] 279 00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:06,583 [laughing] And I said, "No, 280 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,835 "but you get that thing off my plate. 281 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:12,464 I like what I like and I order what I order." 282 00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:14,257 Michael? 283 00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,801 [mouth full] Yeah? 284 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,178 [mouth full] Yes? 285 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,888 Have you ever heard of that Blue Corn Café? 286 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,973 [mouth full] Yes. It's really good. 287 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,143 [sighs and mumbles] 288 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,021 [softly inhales deeply] 289 00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,564 [sighs] 290 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,197 What's the opposite of these? 291 00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,115 I'll make you some chili. 292 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,955 I hate it... 293 00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:49,167 when I know that I am 100% right about something 294 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,461 and it turns out that I'm totally wrong. 295 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:54,005 Like, when I was sure 296 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,008 that there was this "X-Man" character named Bonehead, 297 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,094 and... 298 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:01,304 I thought it was played by Damon Wayans 299 00:12:01,346 --> 00:12:03,973 and then I lost $100. 300 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:06,768 At least this, I'm not losing any money. 301 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:10,814 Darryl's probably still gonna get fired, but... 302 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,566 [sighing] I don't know. 303 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:20,115 Um... 304 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:21,908 so am I in trouble? 305 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,160 Not if you can tell me what 500 pictures 306 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:27,163 of your own behind are doing on your computer. 307 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,083 Yeah, well... 308 00:12:30,125 --> 00:12:32,168 but you're gonna think that I'm weird. 309 00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:33,753 That is a danger. 310 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,797 I have always had an awesome butt. 311 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:38,008 The ladies, they love it, 312 00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:41,928 so I will do whatever it takes to keep it. 313 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:45,056 So every day, I take a picture of my own butt 314 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:49,644 to make sure that it doesn't go the way of the rest of me. 315 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,895 It's crazy. 316 00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,647 One day, I just looked in the mirror 317 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,899 at the rest of me and I was like... 318 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:58,445 "Well, how did this happen?" 319 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,072 He shouldn't have to go through this. 320 00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:02,240 Nobody should. 321 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,035 Well, someone should. 322 00:13:05,577 --> 00:13:06,745 It was me. 323 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,414 What was you? 324 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,332 - You were the leak? - Okay. 325 00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:12,625 I'm talking to this woman at daycare... 326 00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,210 Uh-huh. 327 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,712 She's telling me all about her amazing trip to Vietnam... 328 00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,130 - Mm-hmm? - I have nothing. 329 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,299 I tell her our printers catch on fire spontaneously. 330 00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:20,633 - Why'd you do that? - Her husband's a reporter. 331 00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,052 Yeah. 332 00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:24,471 So now everyone hate Andy and it's this whole mess 333 00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:25,430 and I don't know what to do. 334 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,515 Okay, just relax. 335 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,142 Just need to relax. 336 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:31,144 I could tell Jo. 337 00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,188 Or I could tell Michael. 338 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:34,814 [snaps fingers] This is a very good idea. 339 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:35,982 This is good. 340 00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:37,317 Let's get all the bad ideas out now. 341 00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:38,860 Flush 'em out so we never have to revisit them. 342 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,570 What do you want me to do? I feel bad for Kevin. 343 00:13:40,612 --> 00:13:41,988 It's probably in there 344 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:44,616 telling her everything he thinks she wants to hear. 345 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,742 So we're good. 346 00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,619 It's a business, right? 347 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,080 I turn them into Kevin's Coasters. 348 00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:54,084 Like Kevin Costner, except instead of movies, 349 00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:56,127 I make coasters out of my butt. 350 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,421 I have a website and everything. 351 00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:02,384 My friends loved them, and they're all early adopters. 352 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,135 Thank you, Kevin. 353 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,512 That'll be... all. 354 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,638 - Okay. - Okay. 355 00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,640 - Thank you. - [sheepishly] Yeah. 356 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,105 You leaked it? 357 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,482 I don't know what to do. Do I go tell Jo or-- 358 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,275 I don't want everyone to keep blaming the wrong person. 359 00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:22,112 I don't know what the best plan is, Pam. 360 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,781 Oh, God. 361 00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,449 My mind is going a mile an hour. 362 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,868 - That fast? - [groans] 363 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:31,204 Two whistleblowers! 364 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:32,831 Two. 365 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,874 I always thought Darryl and Pam might get me fired 366 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:37,085 for something I said. 367 00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:39,129 And do you know anyone who might be a reporter 368 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,464 or who might know a reporter? 369 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,383 Answer me this, Pam. 370 00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:45,301 Are you a reporter? 371 00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,761 - No. - Hmm. 372 00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,304 Michael, uh, I can handle this. 373 00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,973 I'm sure you got plenty else to do. 374 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,808 Well, I know Pam very well. 375 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,977 I think I can make her crack. Right, Pam? 376 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:56,646 - [chuckles] Yeah. - Pam... 377 00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,357 do you have an alibi? 378 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,775 Did you go to the movies with your husband? 379 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,570 Is that your alibi? Is that what you did? 380 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,989 Just say a movie title. 381 00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:09,409 Say any movie title, and you are scot-free. 382 00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:10,910 "A Serious Man." 383 00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:16,082 That's not a movie, that is a type of man. 384 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:17,208 - [Michael sighs] - Michael. 385 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,460 Yes? 386 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,920 Would you let the two of us talk, please? 387 00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,339 I didn't do it. 388 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,424 Okay, we're just going around and around here. 389 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:27,886 Maybe there was no leak. 390 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,347 God, I wish I had a time machine 391 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,848 so I could just go forward in time 392 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,642 until this whole thing blows over. 393 00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:36,353 [sighs] 394 00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:39,189 Sounds like you were as blindsided by this as I was. 395 00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,482 I was. 396 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,901 And we didn't find anything on your computer. 397 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,528 - Good. - Except this. 398 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,364 Oh, wow. This is, uh, 399 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:50,200 just a mystery novel that I've been working on. 400 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,660 I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. 401 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:53,995 I'm just curious. 402 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,039 Why would a man who hates people 403 00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:58,708 want to have a relationship with a maid? 404 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,043 Oh, I don't know. 405 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:01,127 - Uh-- - The way I look at it, 406 00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:02,712 there's only one of two reasons. 407 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:06,383 He knows a secret about her that she dudn't know herself 408 00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:11,846 or he wants to use her services to mop after a murder. 409 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:14,891 Oh, yes. 410 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:17,394 Write your own damn novel. 411 00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:20,105 - [Michael knocks on desk] - [softly] Yeah. 412 00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,324 I weirdly know exactly what you're saying to me. 413 00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,076 So I'll see you in Meredith's van in five minutes. 414 00:16:33,118 --> 00:16:34,953 Yeah, you didn't need to actually say that. 415 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:39,249 I have never seen so many parking tickets. 416 00:16:39,290 --> 00:16:41,001 All right, this is just messed up. 417 00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,794 No. You know what's messed up? 418 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:45,005 This situation all up in hee-yah 419 00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:46,423 is what's messed up. 420 00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:48,091 We need to brainstorm. We need to get out of this. 421 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,301 Brain hurricane. Come on, think. 422 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,636 - What do we got? - Um... 423 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,096 [door opens] 424 00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,514 Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. 425 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,641 - We're not going for yogurt. - It's okay. She's cool. 426 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,226 She also whistle-blew. 427 00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,979 Guys, I couldn't help it. It is so boring where we work. 428 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,148 I mean, it's as interesting as a morgue. 429 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,858 It might be less interesting than a morgue. 430 00:17:04,899 --> 00:17:06,026 Hey, hey! 431 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,360 It's as interesting as a morgue. 432 00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,904 Of course I'm the leak. I think I tweeted it. 433 00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,197 I can't control what I say to people. 434 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,323 I spend the whole day talking. 435 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,117 I mean, I video chat, I Skype, 436 00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:16,911 I text, I tweet, I phone, I WUPHF. 437 00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,163 WUPHF is a site that I'm launching 438 00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:19,873 to be the last word in social networking. 439 00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,291 For just $12.99 a month, 440 00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:23,126 WUPHF links up all your communication portals 441 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,586 so you are always within reach. 442 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,338 It's part of the dog pack, as I call it. 443 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,339 But look, 444 00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:32,093 why tell you when I can show you? 445 00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:34,387 I just sent myself a WUPHF. 446 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,516 Ryan, you have a WUPHF on line one. 447 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,643 Thank you, Erin. 448 00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:41,728 WUPHF! 449 00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,021 Okay, here's what we do. 450 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:46,107 I say we just smash all the computers. 451 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,485 We destroy the evidence. No evidence, no case. 452 00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,945 Wouldn't we get fired for smashing all the computers? 453 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,989 No. Okay, not all the computers. 454 00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,032 Just our computers. 455 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,283 That idea sucks. 456 00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:56,409 I don't think that's a good idea. 457 00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,327 - Mm-mm, mm-mm. - Just don't say no! 458 00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:58,787 Come up with something better. 459 00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,163 Oh my God, I can't believe I didn't think of this. 460 00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:02,165 We all get dressed up in our hottest outfits, 461 00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:04,376 we go to Vegas, we take on different personas, 462 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,670 and we win all the money back in blackjack. 463 00:18:06,711 --> 00:18:09,381 But we don't owe any money. 464 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:13,468 @PamHalpert, stop shooting down my awesome ideas. 465 00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:17,055 Mike, you know you don't have to turn us all in. 466 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:20,308 All you need is one scapegoat. 467 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,519 Uh, if you turn me in, I'm turning in Darryl. 468 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:25,397 That's just what we need, another Black man in prison. 469 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,649 - You know, let's just-- - Nobody's doing to prison. 470 00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:29,693 Okay? Um... 471 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:30,944 all right, Michael? 472 00:18:30,985 --> 00:18:33,446 You need to convince Jo to go easy on us. 473 00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:36,616 And then we'll all confess once we know our jobs are safe. 474 00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:39,994 Okay, you can count on me. 475 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:42,872 Let me give you a hand. 476 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,666 Ready? 477 00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,043 - [grunting] - Got it? 478 00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:48,712 Oh, shoot. You got it? 479 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,255 Got it? No, no. 480 00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:52,966 Dwight Schrute. 481 00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:54,551 The property you're looking at is in great shape. 482 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:57,178 By the way, it has a very spacious basement office. 483 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:59,180 Basement office? 484 00:18:59,222 --> 00:19:01,599 You mean like a lair? 485 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,143 [whispering] Hey, Jo. 486 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:05,311 [warmly] Michael. 487 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,147 [whispering] I was thinking about our little leak problem. 488 00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:08,606 I was up all lunch thinking about 489 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,026 what we should do to this individual. 490 00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,278 You know that I think we should do? 491 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,740 We make 'em come to work, and we work 'em. 492 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:20,035 And we make 'em sit next to all the people they screwed over. 493 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,787 And--and we pay 'em, 494 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,290 but we make 'em feel like 495 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,208 they did something really wrong. 496 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,460 The one question I have is, 497 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,836 do we give 'em a Christmas bonus? 498 00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:31,087 I say... 499 00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:32,630 yes, it's Christmas. 500 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:33,840 But right after, 501 00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:35,800 they're back in the thick of it. 502 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,803 Michael Scott... 503 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,597 what do you know? 504 00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:42,974 What? 505 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:44,517 [normally] It doesn't matter what I know. 506 00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:45,977 If it dudn't matter, then tell me. 507 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,479 Why? 508 00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,314 Because I want to deal with it the way I deal with it. 509 00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:53,193 Well, deal with this. 510 00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,111 Empathize with me for a moment. 511 00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:56,863 I came up here with a big problem, 512 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,656 and now I got a branch manager 513 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,575 who's giving me the silent treatment. 514 00:20:02,077 --> 00:20:03,453 Speak to me. 515 00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:05,705 Speak. 516 00:20:07,165 --> 00:20:08,667 [dog barks] 517 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:13,171 - Come with me. - What? 518 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:18,176 Are you leaving? Oh, my. 519 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:20,470 Should I continue with the investigation? 520 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,277 Are you gonna kill me? 521 00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:39,614 [Jo chuckles] 522 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,535 I just need you to come by later 523 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,994 - and sign a few forms. - Okay. 524 00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:48,164 What time works for you? 525 00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,750 Mr. Schrute, what time works? 526 00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,046 Cancel it. 527 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:59,217 I want you to make an offer at 1725 Slough Avenue. 528 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,469 Make 'em an offer they can't refuse. 529 00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:04,556 No, on second thought, lowball 'em. 530 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,641 Don't call me till you have it. 531 00:21:06,683 --> 00:21:08,518 But-- 532 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:11,229 Are we going someplace far away? 533 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:13,898 I know you said no questions, but... 534 00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,945 I have an early dinner that I need to get to. 535 00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:21,906 With the chief of police. 536 00:21:25,535 --> 00:21:27,579 Um--all right. 537 00:21:35,253 --> 00:21:36,588 Uh-uh. 538 00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:39,382 We're not going anywhere. 539 00:21:44,888 --> 00:21:46,639 Oh, it's not iced tea. 540 00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:52,145 I'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you. 541 00:21:52,187 --> 00:21:54,522 All right, uh... Stan, you're up. 542 00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:56,608 It wasn't me. 543 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:59,652 What a rich timbre your voice has. 544 00:21:59,694 --> 00:22:03,782 Okay, I am prepared to conclude the investigation. 545 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,116 And? 546 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,451 You did it. 547 00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:09,454 What? Based on what? 548 00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:10,789 Uh, just all the evidence. 549 00:22:10,830 --> 00:22:13,667 And it really seems like it was you. 550 00:22:13,708 --> 00:22:15,710 Can we all agree to say that it was Andy for now 551 00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:17,921 and sit with it, see how it feels? 552 00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,631 - All right. Sounds good. - Okay. 553 00:22:19,673 --> 00:22:21,132 Guys, I think that seems a little unfair. 554 00:22:21,174 --> 00:22:23,301 I mean, I feel like we don't definitely know it was Andy. 555 00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:24,928 Yeah, you know? 556 00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:27,681 I mean, for all we know, it could have been... 557 00:22:27,722 --> 00:22:29,140 Jim. 558 00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,475 Really? 559 00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:32,560 Doesn't your old roommate work in news? 560 00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:35,230 Yeah, but I mean, I haven't seen him in years. 561 00:22:35,271 --> 00:22:37,190 I may have called him last week, 562 00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:40,777 but we just talked sports, kids, printers, the economy. 563 00:22:41,986 --> 00:22:43,238 Why are you rubbing your chin? 564 00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,531 I'm not. 565 00:22:44,572 --> 00:22:47,117 Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? 566 00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:48,827 How's mommy group, Pam? 567 00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:50,203 [softly] It's good, it's good. 568 00:22:50,245 --> 00:22:51,830 Well, let's think. 569 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:56,084 Who truly has something to gain from this? 570 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:57,335 Exactly nobody. 571 00:22:57,377 --> 00:22:58,670 So the real question is 572 00:22:58,712 --> 00:23:01,506 who takes pleasure from being a tattletale? 573 00:23:01,548 --> 00:23:04,217 - [Erin gasps] - When would I have the time? 574 00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:06,177 I do the work of three people. 575 00:23:06,219 --> 00:23:07,679 [Erin gasps] 576 00:23:07,721 --> 00:23:10,724 Yeah, does anyone else have any other theories? 577 00:23:10,765 --> 00:23:13,435 I heard Phyllis talking to Bob Vance about it. 578 00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:14,602 Hey, how do you hear anything? 579 00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:16,229 You're always asleep. 580 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:19,524 Well, I think that the real question is... 581 00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:22,152 who is the whistleblower? 582 00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:23,445 [sighing] Oh, just-- 583 00:23:23,486 --> 00:23:24,863 I may have heard from an old client, 584 00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:27,157 and I may have immediately started spreading the news 585 00:23:27,198 --> 00:23:30,493 to other clients and potential clients, yeah. 586 00:23:30,535 --> 00:23:32,162 But I'm not here talking about that. 587 00:23:32,203 --> 00:23:34,289 I'm here to talk about Suck It. 588 00:23:34,330 --> 00:23:35,373 Suck It-- 589 00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:37,542 - Michael-- - I have rights. 590 00:23:37,584 --> 00:23:38,752 Let's just talk. 591 00:23:38,793 --> 00:23:40,420 I'm not gonna tell you anything. 592 00:23:40,462 --> 00:23:42,839 Mm-hmm. Tell me about something else. 593 00:23:42,881 --> 00:23:44,674 Anything? 594 00:23:44,716 --> 00:23:46,384 Whatever you're thinking. 595 00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:47,802 I am thinking that 596 00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:49,512 when I told you I wasn't going to tell you anything 597 00:23:49,554 --> 00:23:51,890 that you got over that pretty fast. 598 00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:56,102 Honey, you don't seem like your normal self. 599 00:23:56,144 --> 00:23:58,104 Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch. 600 00:23:58,146 --> 00:24:00,190 Mama Jo knew there was something up. 601 00:24:00,231 --> 00:24:02,942 The whole year, actually. 602 00:24:02,984 --> 00:24:04,402 My favorite restaurant closed down. 603 00:24:04,444 --> 00:24:06,571 Oh, I hate that. 604 00:24:06,613 --> 00:24:09,240 And my new favorite restaurant sucks. 605 00:24:09,282 --> 00:24:11,993 [sighs] 606 00:24:12,035 --> 00:24:13,953 I bought a video camera last year 607 00:24:13,995 --> 00:24:15,914 and I was looking at the tapes 608 00:24:15,955 --> 00:24:17,916 and there were only, like, 12 minutes 609 00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:22,087 that I felt was worth taping the whole year. 610 00:24:22,128 --> 00:24:25,006 And most of that was just birds in my condo complex. 611 00:24:25,048 --> 00:24:26,466 What is that? 612 00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,970 And I miss Holly. 613 00:24:31,012 --> 00:24:32,597 Who's Holly? 614 00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:36,101 Holly Flax from the Nashua branch. 615 00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:38,978 Best H.R. rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen. 616 00:24:41,398 --> 00:24:44,442 It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. 617 00:24:44,484 --> 00:24:46,861 My Blockbuster stock is down. 618 00:24:46,903 --> 00:24:50,031 Gabe, I told you all about the printers. 619 00:24:50,073 --> 00:24:51,783 I mean, it could be you, Gabe. 620 00:24:51,825 --> 00:24:53,368 - The man has a point. - Yes, it's totally obvious. 621 00:24:53,410 --> 00:24:56,996 I think we all can agree that it's either Gabe or Angela. 622 00:24:57,038 --> 00:24:59,624 It's Angela. Get 'er, boys. 623 00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:01,668 Hey, guys. Uh, sorry to interrupt. 624 00:25:01,710 --> 00:25:03,211 I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone. 625 00:25:03,253 --> 00:25:05,672 Through Teach for America, I'm gonna go down to Detroit 626 00:25:05,714 --> 00:25:07,590 and teach inner-city kids about computers. 627 00:25:07,632 --> 00:25:09,092 Uh, not now. 628 00:25:09,134 --> 00:25:10,677 Oh, yeah. It's just my friends are in the car waiting, 629 00:25:10,719 --> 00:25:12,095 so I thought I would-- 630 00:25:12,137 --> 00:25:14,097 Fellas, what's this guy's name again? 631 00:25:14,139 --> 00:25:16,307 I don't know. Is it Shadow or Garth? 632 00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:17,767 It's something weird. I-- 633 00:25:17,809 --> 00:25:19,060 My name is Nick. 634 00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:22,022 Okay, well, "Nick," we're in a meeting. 635 00:25:22,063 --> 00:25:23,940 Okay, look, I get it, people. 636 00:25:23,982 --> 00:25:26,151 I'm the lame IT guy and everybody hates me. 637 00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:28,236 Hey, listen, man. You can't take it personally. 638 00:25:28,278 --> 00:25:29,738 You call me man? 639 00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:32,323 I just said my name just now. Did you forget it already? 640 00:25:32,365 --> 00:25:34,576 [chuckling] No... 641 00:25:34,617 --> 00:25:35,910 sport. 642 00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:38,121 [sighs] You guys have 15 parties a week. 643 00:25:38,163 --> 00:25:39,497 You can't learn my name? 644 00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:41,458 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, IT guy. 645 00:25:41,499 --> 00:25:43,084 Here's the story, champ. 646 00:25:43,126 --> 00:25:44,961 None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? 647 00:25:45,003 --> 00:25:48,340 We like the last guy, Sadiq, because he kept to himself. 648 00:25:48,381 --> 00:25:50,342 And we also thought he might've been a terrorist. 649 00:25:50,383 --> 00:25:51,676 You know what? 650 00:25:51,718 --> 00:25:52,969 I'm gonna leave you with one other thought 651 00:25:53,011 --> 00:25:54,512 Inner-city kids use computers for two things: 652 00:25:54,554 --> 00:25:55,889 games and porn. 653 00:25:55,930 --> 00:25:58,683 So good luck wasting your life, Lurch. 654 00:25:58,725 --> 00:26:00,226 Thank you so much for that. 655 00:26:00,268 --> 00:26:02,812 I saw all your hard drives, and guess what? 656 00:26:02,854 --> 00:26:04,105 You're not a photographer. 657 00:26:04,147 --> 00:26:05,899 And you definitely can't fit into a size two. 658 00:26:05,940 --> 00:26:09,527 And you write creepy, flirty emails to your stepson. 659 00:26:09,569 --> 00:26:11,112 Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. 660 00:26:11,154 --> 00:26:12,697 Why you been telling people you're not on Facebook? 661 00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:13,865 - What? - Hey. 662 00:26:13,907 --> 00:26:14,991 People want to be your friend, man. 663 00:26:15,033 --> 00:26:17,535 All right? And you, this guy... 664 00:26:17,577 --> 00:26:18,703 you're the one who told the press. 665 00:26:18,745 --> 00:26:20,038 You wrote an email to the editor. 666 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,040 I saw it, and I also saw a QuickTime movie 667 00:26:22,082 --> 00:26:24,709 of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. 668 00:26:24,751 --> 00:26:26,169 This guy's the snitch. He's the snitch. 669 00:26:26,211 --> 00:26:29,005 So that's it. Check it out. 670 00:26:30,632 --> 00:26:33,385 We're gonna believe that guy? 671 00:26:33,426 --> 00:26:34,844 Picture this. 672 00:26:34,886 --> 00:26:37,263 Kid goes out to print out his very first report card, 673 00:26:37,305 --> 00:26:38,473 goes to show is parents, 674 00:26:38,515 --> 00:26:40,225 report card's on fire. 675 00:26:40,266 --> 00:26:41,518 Everyone's on fire. 676 00:26:41,559 --> 00:26:43,436 Everyone dies. 677 00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:45,397 And the report card? 678 00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:47,065 It was all As. 679 00:26:47,107 --> 00:26:49,192 You ever play shuffleboard, Michael? 680 00:26:49,234 --> 00:26:50,318 You know what? 681 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:54,239 I keep trying, but Nana and her friends, 682 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,658 they got such a clique. 683 00:26:56,700 --> 00:26:58,910 It's a very interesting sport 684 00:26:58,952 --> 00:27:01,079 because you can't just get ahead. 685 00:27:01,121 --> 00:27:02,247 Right. 686 00:27:02,288 --> 00:27:03,415 You gotta knock other people off, too. 687 00:27:03,456 --> 00:27:04,666 Right. 688 00:27:04,708 --> 00:27:06,334 And to take other down. That's the game. 689 00:27:06,376 --> 00:27:09,045 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 690 00:27:09,087 --> 00:27:11,423 And to make an analogy, it's like business. 691 00:27:11,464 --> 00:27:14,926 Shuffleboard is like business, because in business, 692 00:27:14,968 --> 00:27:17,429 you have to shuffle stuff around 693 00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,431 so you don't get bored. 694 00:27:19,472 --> 00:27:21,933 - Mm-hmm. - Right? 695 00:27:23,727 --> 00:27:26,104 When I was growing up, there was nothing better 696 00:27:26,146 --> 00:27:29,107 than being a big, ol' business tycoon. 697 00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:30,400 Mm. 698 00:27:30,442 --> 00:27:32,110 And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling. 699 00:27:32,152 --> 00:27:36,239 I'd be a hero to all those little girls out there... 700 00:27:36,281 --> 00:27:38,450 and they'd make a Barbie out of me. 701 00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:39,993 Mm. 702 00:27:40,035 --> 00:27:44,289 [sighs] I hate that I sell cheap printers. 703 00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:46,541 I do. 704 00:27:46,583 --> 00:27:48,501 But if I have to go out there in front of the press 705 00:27:48,543 --> 00:27:52,172 and make one of them public-apology recalls, 706 00:27:52,213 --> 00:27:53,840 I mean... 707 00:27:53,882 --> 00:27:56,968 that's all I'll ever be remembered for. 708 00:27:57,010 --> 00:27:59,346 Nobody will want to play with my Barbie. 709 00:28:02,182 --> 00:28:05,560 You know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, 710 00:28:05,602 --> 00:28:07,312 to do that for you. 711 00:28:07,354 --> 00:28:10,940 Oh, honey. Surely you don't want that. 712 00:28:12,942 --> 00:28:14,444 I-I surely do. 713 00:28:14,486 --> 00:28:16,279 And don't call me honey. 714 00:28:16,321 --> 00:28:19,240 [both laugh] 715 00:28:22,327 --> 00:28:23,411 "Airplane 2." 716 00:28:25,413 --> 00:28:27,499 [Jo chuckles] 717 00:28:27,540 --> 00:28:29,084 [high-pitched voice] I have come to the conclusion 718 00:28:29,125 --> 00:28:31,127 Sabre Corporation may be overlooking certain safety-- 719 00:28:31,169 --> 00:28:33,880 That's--that's that singing salesman. 720 00:28:33,922 --> 00:28:36,549 - What is his name? - [sighs] Toby. 721 00:28:36,591 --> 00:28:39,094 No, that ain't Toby. 722 00:28:39,135 --> 00:28:40,970 - I knew it! - Why... 723 00:28:41,012 --> 00:28:43,390 I cannot wait to can this guy. 724 00:28:45,308 --> 00:28:48,311 Wait, wait, wait. Okay. 725 00:28:48,353 --> 00:28:49,854 If you fire Andy, I quit. 726 00:28:49,896 --> 00:28:51,022 Oh, don't, Michael. 727 00:28:51,064 --> 00:28:52,482 Don't make me take you up on that. 728 00:28:52,524 --> 00:28:54,317 We've been through a lot. 729 00:28:54,359 --> 00:28:57,278 The last time you visited, today, on the plane. 730 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:58,488 That's gotta count for something. 731 00:28:58,530 --> 00:29:00,156 Michael, here's how it has to go down. 732 00:29:00,198 --> 00:29:02,409 No, no, no, no. Stop, stop. Here's how it has to go down. 733 00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:04,077 I'm the boss. 734 00:29:04,119 --> 00:29:06,955 I'm not a secretary, I'm not a receptionist, 735 00:29:06,996 --> 00:29:09,833 I'm not in sales anymore, I am not a warehouse guy, 736 00:29:09,874 --> 00:29:12,502 I am the boss, and I set the tone. 737 00:29:12,544 --> 00:29:14,129 I do. 738 00:29:14,170 --> 00:29:15,714 I'm the one who has to decide 739 00:29:15,755 --> 00:29:18,049 what is important and who is important, 740 00:29:18,091 --> 00:29:19,884 and I think Andy is important. 741 00:29:19,926 --> 00:29:23,388 - You love this guy. - I'm keeping him. 742 00:29:23,430 --> 00:29:27,475 And you need to stop blaming everybody else 743 00:29:27,517 --> 00:29:28,852 for the fact that you went out 744 00:29:28,893 --> 00:29:32,564 and bought some cheap, Chinese crap. 745 00:29:32,605 --> 00:29:35,233 And you need to renegotiate some good Chinese crap. 746 00:29:35,275 --> 00:29:36,735 Korean! 747 00:29:36,776 --> 00:29:38,695 No, Chinese. 748 00:29:38,737 --> 00:29:40,196 It's very different. 749 00:29:42,365 --> 00:29:44,409 You need to fire the exploding printers. 750 00:29:50,874 --> 00:29:52,792 Get in the car. 751 00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:54,919 Are you gonna fire him? 752 00:29:54,961 --> 00:29:56,880 Shut up. 753 00:29:56,921 --> 00:29:59,132 You're not-- not gonna fire him. 754 00:30:02,135 --> 00:30:05,764 I'm about to buy this building, you know. 755 00:30:05,805 --> 00:30:07,891 You don't say. 756 00:30:07,932 --> 00:30:09,851 I own a 1/8th share on a rental property 757 00:30:09,893 --> 00:30:11,269 down in Pittston. 758 00:30:11,311 --> 00:30:14,272 Well, I'm 1/8th proud of you. 759 00:30:14,314 --> 00:30:15,607 [Dwight chuckles] 760 00:30:15,648 --> 00:30:18,485 Enjoy that chair for now... 761 00:30:18,526 --> 00:30:22,489 because pretty soon you will be on your feet, 762 00:30:22,530 --> 00:30:24,282 like Buckingham Palace. 763 00:30:25,658 --> 00:30:28,495 Is this glass bulletproof? 764 00:30:28,536 --> 00:30:30,580 Hmm? 765 00:30:30,622 --> 00:30:32,123 Why's it so hot in here? 766 00:30:32,165 --> 00:30:34,501 Well, the wind whips in every time someone enters. 767 00:30:34,542 --> 00:30:36,419 Well, wear an extra pair of socks. 768 00:30:36,461 --> 00:30:38,296 It's like throwing a handful of pennies out the door 769 00:30:38,338 --> 00:30:40,465 every time it opens. [scoffs] 770 00:30:43,343 --> 00:30:45,220 Hey, Phyllis, have you seen my bag? 771 00:30:45,261 --> 00:30:47,514 Mm. 772 00:30:47,555 --> 00:30:49,516 You deserve it. 773 00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:53,061 Look, I didn't want houses and schools to burn down 774 00:30:53,103 --> 00:30:55,063 and children to die. 775 00:30:56,690 --> 00:30:57,982 Does that make me a hero? 776 00:30:58,024 --> 00:31:02,320 No, it does not! 777 00:31:02,362 --> 00:31:04,989 Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world either. 778 00:31:05,031 --> 00:31:06,991 It does! 779 00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:10,704 - Andy? - Hey. 780 00:31:10,745 --> 00:31:14,666 I wanted to say that I think it was very brave of you 781 00:31:14,708 --> 00:31:16,501 to go to the press. 782 00:31:22,298 --> 00:31:23,675 Uh... 783 00:31:23,717 --> 00:31:25,510 thanks. 784 00:31:25,552 --> 00:31:28,596 Yeah, you know... 785 00:31:28,638 --> 00:31:30,640 it just seemed like the right thing to do. 786 00:31:30,682 --> 00:31:31,599 Yeah. 787 00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:39,190 "We at Sabre have betrayed the trust 788 00:31:39,232 --> 00:31:41,234 "that we have built with our customers. 789 00:31:41,276 --> 00:31:42,944 "We regret our slow response 790 00:31:42,986 --> 00:31:46,031 "and our lapse in candor and judgment. 791 00:31:46,072 --> 00:31:48,199 "At this time, we are issuing a full recall 792 00:31:48,241 --> 00:31:51,036 "of all Sabre GH400 printers. 793 00:31:51,077 --> 00:31:54,205 "We will not rest until this problem is solved. 794 00:31:54,247 --> 00:31:56,124 There will be no questions." 795 00:31:56,166 --> 00:31:57,375 Are there any questions? 796 00:31:57,417 --> 00:31:59,461 Is the company admitting full liability? 797 00:31:59,502 --> 00:32:00,962 No comment. 798 00:32:01,004 --> 00:32:02,130 How can you not have a comment? 799 00:32:02,172 --> 00:32:04,215 There are no comments at this juncture. 800 00:32:04,257 --> 00:32:05,967 Doesn't answer any of our questions. 801 00:32:06,009 --> 00:32:07,052 No comment. 802 00:32:07,093 --> 00:32:08,720 How can you not have a comment? 803 00:32:08,762 --> 00:32:10,972 No questions at this time. 804 00:32:11,014 --> 00:32:12,932 Anything else? 805 00:32:12,974 --> 00:32:14,434 [camera shutter clicks] 806 00:32:20,648 --> 00:32:22,942 Hey, I appreciate you reading that statement. 807 00:32:22,984 --> 00:32:23,985 You looked pretty up there. 808 00:32:24,027 --> 00:32:25,278 That was fun. 809 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,113 I hope your rough patch ends soon. 810 00:32:27,155 --> 00:32:28,907 Thanks. Today helped. 811 00:32:28,948 --> 00:32:31,826 Well, give a shout if I can brighten your life. 812 00:32:31,868 --> 00:32:33,119 Okay. 813 00:32:33,161 --> 00:32:35,747 Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua. 814 00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:39,167 Let me see what I can do.